⁉️ Myth: “You should be all better by now!”

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Myth: “You should be all better by now! You found out what was wrong, you got the surgery, it’s been quite some time, and you are STILL not better?! You SHOULD have gotten better by now!” Chronic illness follows the same pattern as normal illness. You get diagnosed, treated, and then go back to a state of recovery, eventually leading you back to a state of “normal health”.

 

Fact: Chronic illness is called chronic illness for a reason, because it is chronic! Wayne Dyer addresses this myth: We usually expect to follow a pattern that is characteristic of most illness. “The person has an illness and falls from the path of normal health. Then, comes a period of diagnosis and treatment followed by a period of convalescence (the general recovery of health and strength after illness). Finally, the person returns to good health again” (p. 251).

The person is supported, typically, by family, friends, neighbors, and their church community during the illness, treatment, and recovery, assuming that at some point the person will return to normal health and their assistance will no longer be needed (p. 251).

However, in the case of the chronically ill, a different cycle occurs. In the chronically ill, the person loses his normal health. He goes through a period of treatment and sometimes recovers. “But for a number of reasons, depending on the illness, the person does not return to a condition of normal health but continues in a fluctuating pattern of chronic ill health. The person may have periods when he feels better or worse, but at no time does he ever return to complete good health.” (p. 252).

According to Dyer (1990), “Unfortunately, family members, friends, and neighbors do not know how to respond to this unfamiliar pattern, and they usually shift their attention away from the chronically ill person as others with the more normal cycle of sickness occupy their attention” (p 252). At this point, the person with the chronic illness feels a lack of support, understanding, and help. This can lead to increased pain, depression, and anxiety.

It is very difficult for family members, such as spouses, to deal with the person with chronic illness. “Chronic illness can disrupt and pide a family, or it can provide the family with an opportunity to grow in understanding, patience, sacrifice, and love for one another” (Dyer, 1990, p. 256).

For the chronically ill person and his family, the friends, neighbors, and church can either be a source of support and help or elicit feelings of neglect, rejection, and misunderstanding. Most people help at the beginning of the illness, but then become confused when the person doesn’t get better, so they withdraw their attention (p. 256).

Here are some ideas for helping the chronically ill person and family:

• Discuss in some detail with the person how his illness is affecting him and his family and find out what his needs are

• Make short visits to not overtire or over stimulate the patient

• Send a card or make a short phone call to the sick person

• Look for ways to help with young children

• Send a small gift

• Avoid saying things to make the person feel pressured such as “I hope you can come back to church every Sunday now”

• Don’t ask, “What can I do to help?” People don’t like to have to ask for support. Express sensitivity and go ahead and do something (p. 258).

Reference: Dyer, W.G. (1990). Chronic Illness. In R. L. Britsch & T.D. Olson (Ed.), Counseling: A guide to helping others, volume 2, 250-259.

Please take the time to view this video on “Chronic Illness versus Normal Illness” and share with your loved ones:

🦓 Day 27, Cushing’s Awareness Challenge 2022

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I first saw a similar image to this one with the saying Life. Be in it at a recreation center when my son was little.  At the time, it was “Duh, of course, I’m in it”.

The original image was a couple of males, a couple of females, and a dog walking/running.  No folks in wheelchairs, no older folks, and certainly no zebras.

It would be nice to have everyone out there walking or running but that’s not real life, at least in the Cushie world.  It’s been a long time since I’ve really been In My Life – maybe it’s time to get back.

A dear friend who has not one, but two forms of cancer was traveling throughout Europe for the first time after her husband’s death wrote:

Some final words before I turn in for the night. If there is a spark of desire within you to do something which is not contrary to God’s Holy Law, find a way to make it happen. All things are possible and blessings abound for those who love Him. Life is such an adventure. Don’t be a spectator – live every single moment for Him and with Him.

Somedays, it’s hard even getting up in the morning but I’m trying.  Pre-COVID I took Water Aerobics for People with Arthritis and I actually went to class three times a week.  Now, I took the stuff I learned there and do it 3 times a week as part of “water walking” by myself or with my DH.   I got a “part-time” job several years ago and I’m  teaching piano online.  We had plans for a cruise to Norway which COVID made us reschedule for Alaska, which has to be rescheduled…again.

This is the one and only life I’ll ever have and I want to make the most of it!

⁉️ Myth: “Each Person Requires the Same Dose of Steroid in Order to Survive…

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Myth: “Each person requires the same dose of steroid in order to survive with Secondary or Primary Adrenal Insufficiency”

myth-busted

Fact: In simple terms, Adrenal Insufficiency occurs when the body does not have enough cortisol in it. You see, cortisol is life sustaining and we actually do need cortisol to survive. You have probably seen the commercials about “getting rid of extra belly fat” by lowering your cortisol. These advertisements make it hard for people to actually understand the importance of the function of cortisol.

After a Cushing’s patient has surgery, he/she goes from having very high levels of cortisol to no cortisol at all. For pituitary patients, the pituitary, in theory, should start working eventually again and cause the adrenal glands to produce enough cortisol. However, in many cases; the pituitary gland does not resume normal functioning and leaves a person adrenally insufficient. The first year after pit surgery is spent trying to get that hormone to regulate on its own normally again. For a patient who has had a Bilateral Adrenalectomy (BLA), where both adrenal glands are removed as a last resort to “cure” Cushing’s; his/her body will not produce cortisol at all for his/her life. This causes Primary Adrenal Insufficiency.

All Cushing’s patients spend time after surgery adjusting medications and weaning slowly from steroid (cortisol) to get the body to a maintenance dose, which is the dose that a “normal” body produces. This process can be a very long one. Once on maintenance, a patient’s job is not over. He/She has to learn what situations require even more cortisol. You see, cortisol is the stress hormone and also known as the Fight or Flight hormone. Its function is to help a person respond effectively to stress and cortisol helps the body compensate for both physical and emotional stress. So, when faced with a stressor, the body will produce 10X the baseline levels in order to compensate. When a person can not produce adequate amounts of cortisol to compensate, we call that Adrenal Insufficiency. If it gets to the point of an “Adrenal Crisis”, this means that the body can no longer deal and will go into shock unless introduced to extremely high levels of cortisol, usually administered through an emergency shot of steroid.

There are ways to help prevent a crisis, by taking more steroid than the maintenance dose during times of stress. This can be anything from going to a family function (good stress counts too) to fighting an infection or illness. Acute stressors such as getting into a car accident or sometimes even having a really bad fight require more cortisol as well.

It was once believed that everyone responded to every stressor in the exact same way. So, there are general guidelines about how much more cortisol to introduce to the body during certain stressors. For instance, during infection, a patient should take 2-3X the maintenance dose of steroid (cortisol). Also, even the maintenance dose was considered the same for everyone. Now a days, most doctors will say that 20 mg of Hydrocortisone (Steroid/Cortisol) is the appropriate maintenance dose for EVERYONE. Now, we know that neither is necessarily true. Although the required maintenance dose is about the same for everyone; some patients require less and some require more. I have friends who will go into an adrenal crisis if they take LESS than 30 mg of daily steroid. On the other hand, 30 mg may be way too much for some and those folks may even require LESS daily steroid, like 15 mg. Also, I want to stress (no pun intended) that different stressors affect different people differently. For some, for instance, an acute scare may not affect them. However, for others, receiving bad news or being in shock WILL put their bodies into crisis. That person must then figure out how much additional steroid is needed.

Each situation is different and each time may be different. Depending on the stressor, a person may need just a little more cortisol or a lot. Every person must, therefore, learn their own bodies when dealing with Adrenal Insufficiency. This is VERY important! I learned this the hard way. As a Clinical Psychologist; I assumed that my “coping skills” would be enough to prevent a stressor from putting me into crisis. That was FAR from the truth! I have learned that I can not necessarily prevent my body’s physiological response to stress. People often ask me, “BUT you are a psychologist! Shouldn’t you be able to deal with stress?!!!!” What they don’t realize is that my BODY is the one that has to do the job of compensating. Since my body can not produce cortisol at all, my job is to pay close attention to it so that I can take enough steroid to respond to any given situation. We all have to do that. We all have to learn our own bodies. This is vitally important and will save our lives!

To those we have lost in our community to Adrenal Insufficiency after treatment of Cushing’s, Rest in Peace my friends! Your legacies live on forever!

~ By Karen Ternier Thames

🦓 Day 26, Cushing’s Awareness Challenge 2022

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So often during the diagnosis phase of Cushing’s I felt lost like this picture – I was walking alone to an unknown place with an unknown future.

My diagnosis was pre-Internet which meant that any information had to be gotten from libraries, bookstores, magazines…or doctors.  In 1983 to 1986 I knew something was terribly wrong but there was no backup from doctors, family or friends.  My first hope was from a magazine (see Day Six)

After I got that first glimmer of hope, it was off to the library to try to understand medical texts.  I would pick out words I did understand – and it was more words each trip.  I made Xerox copies of my findings to read at home and try to digest. (I still have all those old pages!)

All my research led me to Cushing’s.

Unfortunately, the research didn’t lead me to doctors who could help for several years.  That contributed greatly to the loneliness.  If a doctor says you’re not sick, friends and family are going to believe the doctor, not you.  After all, he’s the one trained to know what’s wrong or find out.

I was so grateful when I finally got into a clinical trial at NIH and was so nice not to be alone with this mystery illness.  I was also surprised to learn, awful as I felt, there were Cushies much worse off than I was.

I am so glad that the Internet is here now helping us all know that we’re not alone anymore.

We’re all in this together with help, support, research, just being there.  I love this quote from Catherine at http://wheniwasyou.wordpress.com/2012/03/31/wheniwasyou/

Mary, I am delighted to see you here. Cushings – because of the persistent central obesity caused by (we know now) the lack of growth hormone plus the hypothyroidism I was diagnosed with (but for which treatment was ineffective due to my lack of cortisol) – was one of the things I considered as an explanation for my symptoms. Your site was enormously educational and helpful to me in figuring out what might be happening to me. Those other patient testimonies I referred to? Many of them were the bios you posted. Thank you so much for commenting. I am so grateful for the support and encouragement. I really hope that my experiences will help other undiagnosed hypopituitary patients find their way to a diagnosis. I often used to dream that one day I’d get to say to others what was so often said to me: don’t give up, there will be an answer. I kept believing in myself because people I hadn’t even met believed in me. Now I am finally here and I do hope my story will help others to have faith in their own instincts.

Thanks again. Please do keep in touch.

Catherine

⁉️ Myth: “All Cushing’s patients have the exact same symptoms

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Myth: “All Cushing’s patients have the exact same symptoms and the level of illness is the same for everyone. If you do not have ALL of the classic symptoms of Cushing’s, then you must NOT have Cushing’s Syndrome/Disease!”

myth-busted

Fact: Everyone does NOT have the exact same symptoms. Not all Cushing’s patients are exactly the same. This is one mistake that non experts tend to make in terms of categorizing patients by whether they meet the exact same classic symptoms or not. Experts have come to learn that each patient should be treated individually. Though there are symptoms that are more prominent in the Cushing’s population, not every patient has to meet every single symptom in order to meet criteria for Cushing’s.

For instance, not all Cushing’s patients become overweight. Everyone does not gain the same amount of weight. There are various theories as to why. One issue is that different patients are diagnosed at different stages of the illness. We know that patients tend not to be diagnosed at the onset of the illness because of doctors’ misconception that Cushing’s patients must be extremely obese to have the disease. So, patients who have not gained as much weight may not be listened to until after the weight has gotten out of control. However, there ARE patients who are diagnosed early enough where there has not been a tremendous amount of weight gain.

I (Karen Ternier Thames), for one, started trying to get help after gaining my first 30 pounds because I KNEW that something was wrong with my body. Had I received an appropriate diagnosis, I probably would not have gained the 150 pounds I ended up gaining in 5 years.

Regardless of the reason, it is a myth that all Cushing’s patients gain the same amount of weight. The following are other additional reasons that an endocrinologist gave me for supposedly not meeting the criteria for Cushing’s when I was misdiagnosed: “1. Your stretch marks are not purple enough”, 2. “Your buffalo hump is not large enough”, 3. “You are not THAT fat!”, 4. “Cushing’s patients do NOT have children”, and 5. ” your face does not look like a classic moon face”. These are some of the reasons why, 2 years earlier, this same doctor dismissed apparently high cortisol levels, and didn’t even tell me, leading to several more years of suffering!

So, not all Cushing’s patients are obese, not all Cushing’s patients gain the same weight at the same rate, not all Cushing’s patients have the same size buffalo hump or the same round moon face. There are variations in these symptoms. IF you are experiencing extreme changes in your body regardless of diet and exercise and its not influenced by external factors, then it is time to speak up!

It is important to raise concern with your doctor if you do have ANY Cushing’s symptoms. Please do not be inhibited if you do not show every single symptom!

🦓 Day 25, Cushing’s Awareness Challenge 2022

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This is another semi-religious post so feel free to skip it 🙂

I’m sure that many would think that Abide With Me is a pretty strange choice for my all-time favorite hymn.

My dad was a Congregational (now United Church of Christ) minister so I was pretty regular in church attendance in my younger years.

Some Sunday evenings, he would preach on a circuit and I’d go with him to some of these tiny churches.  The people there, mostly older folks, liked the old hymns best – Fanny Crosby and so on.

So, some of my “favorite hymns” are those that I sang when I was out with my Dad.  Fond memories from long ago.

In 1986 I was finally diagnosed with Cushing’s after struggling with doctors and trying to get them to test for about 5 years.  I was going to go into the NIH (National Institutes of Health) in Bethesda, MD for final testing and then-experimental pituitary surgery.

I was terrified and sure that I wouldn’t survive the surgery.

Somehow, I found a 3-cassette tape set of Readers Digest Hymns and Songs of Inspiration and ordered that. The set came just before I went to NIH and I had it with me.

At NIH I set up a daily “routine” of sorts and listening to these tapes was a very important part of my day and helped me get through the ordeal of more testing, surgery, post-op and more.

When I had my kidney cancer surgery, those tapes were long broken and irreplaceable, but I had replaced all the songs – this time on my iPod.

Abide With Me was on this original tape set and it remains a favorite to this day.  Whenever we have an opportunity in church to pick a favorite, my hand always shoots up and I request page 700.  When someone in one of my handbell groups moves away, we always sign a hymnbook and give it to them.  I sign page 700.

I think that many people would probably think that this hymn is depressing.  Maybe it is but to me it signifies times in my life when I thought I might die and I was so comforted by the sentiments here.

This hymn is often associated with funeral services and has given hope and comfort to so many over the years – me included.

If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.

~John 15:7

Abide With Me

Words: Henry F. Lyte, 1847.

Music: Eventide, William H. Monk, 1861. Mrs. Monk described the setting:

This tune was written at a time of great sorrow—when together we watched, as we did daily, the glories of the setting sun. As the last golden ray faded, he took some paper and penciled that tune which has gone all over the earth.

Lyte was inspired to write this hymn as he was dying of tuberculosis; he finished it the Sunday he gave his farewell sermon in the parish he served so many years. The next day, he left for Italy to regain his health. He didn’t make it, though—he died in Nice, France, three weeks after writing these words. Here is an excerpt from his farewell sermon:

O brethren, I stand here among you today, as alive from the dead, if I may hope to impress it upon you, and induce you to prepare for that solemn hour which must come to all, by a timely acquaintance with the death of Christ.

For over a century, the bells of his church at All Saints in Lower Brixham, Devonshire, have rung out “Abide with Me” daily. The hymn was sung at the wedding of King George VI, at the wedding of his daughter, the future Queen Elizabeth II, and at the funeral of Nobel peace prize winner Mother Teresa of Calcutta in1997.

 

Abide with me; fast falls the eventide;

The darkness deepens; Lord with me abide.

When other helpers fail and comforts flee,

Help of the helpless, O abide with me.

Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day;

Earth’s joys grow dim; its glories pass away;

Change and decay in all around I see;

O Thou who changest not, abide with me.

Not a brief glance I beg, a passing word;

But as Thou dwell’st with Thy disciples, Lord,

Familiar, condescending, patient, free.

Come not to sojourn, but abide with me.

Come not in terrors, as the King of kings,

But kind and good, with healing in Thy wings,

Tears for all woes, a heart for every plea—

Come, Friend of sinners, and thus bide with me.

Thou on my head in early youth didst smile;

And, though rebellious and perverse meanwhile,

Thou hast not left me, oft as I left Thee,

On to the close, O Lord, abide with me.

I need Thy presence every passing hour.

What but Thy grace can foil the tempter’s power?

Who, like Thyself, my guide and stay can be?

Through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me.

I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless;

Ills have no weight, and tears no bitterness.

Where is death’s sting? Where, grave, thy victory?

I triumph still, if Thou abide with me.

Hold Thou Thy cross before my closing eyes;

Shine through the gloom and point me to the skies.

Heaven’s morning breaks, and earth’s vain shadows flee;

In life, in death, O Lord, abide with me.

⁉️ Myth: After a “cure” for Cushing’s, everyone heals and goes back to normal.

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Myth: After a “cure” for Cushing’s, everyone heals and goes back to normal. All Cushing’s patients can easily heal with no repercussions after Cushing’s. After pituitary surgery or a Bilateral Adrenalectomy (BLA), life is great and being “cured” means having a “normal” life! After all, surgery is a “cure” and about 6 weeks later, you are back to normal. “Say, you had surgery XYZ long ago! Shouldn’t you be better by now?!!!!”

myth-busted

Fact: I can not even tell you how many people asked me “aren’t you better yet?!” after both of my surgeries! There are too many to count! There is a misperception that surgery means a cure and therefore, healing should happen magically and quickly. No! No! No! This is far from the truth.

The sad reality is that even some medical doctors buy into this myth and expect quick healing in their patients. However, they are not living in their patients bodies nor have they obviously read the extensive research on this. Research has shown that the healing process after surgery is a long and extensive one. One endocrinologist, expert from Northwestern, even referred to the first year after pituitary surgery for patients as “the year from hell”! He literally quoted that on a slide presentation.

It takes at least one year after pituitary surgery, for instance, to even manage hormones effectively. Surgery is invasive and hard. However, the hardest part comes AFTER surgery. This is when the body is compensating for all of the years of hormonal dysregulation and the patient is trying to get his/her levels back to normal.

There is a higher rate of recurrence of Cushing’s then we once thought. This means that after a patient has achieved remission from this illness, it is likely to come back. In these cases, a patient faces other treatments that may include radiation, the same type of surgery, or an alternative surgery.

For many pituitary patients who experience multiple recurrences, the last resort is to attack the source by removing both adrenal glands. This procedure is known as a Bilateral Adrenalectomy or BLA. In these cases, it is said that the patient “trades one disease for another”, now becoming adrenally insufficient and having Addison’s Disease. Both Pituitary and Adrenal patients are faced with a lifetime of either Secondary or Primary Adrenal Insufficiency.

Adrenal Insufficiency is also life threatening and adrenal crises can potentially lead to death. Additionally, research says that BLA patients take, on average, 3-5 years for their bodies to readjust and get anywhere near “normal”. Most patients will tell you that they never feel “normal” again!

Think of these facts the next time you feel tempted to ask your friend, family, or loved one, “why is it taking so long to get better after surgery?”. Remember that in addition to the aforementioned points; problems from Cushing’s can linger for years after surgery! One Cushing’s patient stated, “I’m 5 years post-op and I STILL have problems!” This mirrors the sentiments of many of us in the Cushing’s community. Please be conscious of this when supporting your loved one after treatment.

You can find more information in the following links:

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.1365-2265.2011.04124.x/abstract;jsessionid=CC58CF32990A60593028F4173902EC47.f03t03?deniedAccessCustomisedMessage&userIsAuthenticated=false

http://press.endocrine.org/doi/abs/10.1210/jc.2013-1470

http://press.endocrine.org/doi/abs/10.1210/jc.2012-2893

 

Written by Dr. Karen Thames of  Empowering People with Invisible Chronic Illness – The EPIC Foundation

🦓 Day 24, Cushing’s Awareness Challenge 2022

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Because it’s a Sunday again, this is a semi-religious post…

After I was finished with the Cushing’s long diagnostic process, surgery and several post-op visits to NIH, I was asked to give the scripture reading at my church. The man who preached the sermon that week was the survivor of a horrific accident where he and his family were hit by a van while waiting at an airport.

I thought I had written down the scripture reading carefully. I practiced and practiced. I don’t like speaking in front of a crowd but I said I would. When I got to church, the reading was different from what I had practiced. Maybe I wrote it down wrong, maybe someone changed it. Whatever.

The real scripture turned out to be Psalm 116. I got very emotional while reading this and started crying when I got to verse 8 “For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death“.  Others in the congregation who knew part of my story were very moved, too.

psalm-116-1-4

Psalm 116 (New International Version)

1 I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.

2 Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

3 The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

4 Then I called on the name of the LORD:
“O LORD, save me!”

5 The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.

6 The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.

7 Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

8 For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,

9 that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living.

10 I believed; therefore I said,
“I am greatly afflicted.”

11 And in my dismay I said,
“All men are liars.”

12 How can I repay the LORD
for all his goodness to me?

13 I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the LORD.

14 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people.

15 Precious in the sight of the LORD
is the death of his saints.

16 O LORD, truly I am your servant;
I am your servant, the son of your maidservant;
you have freed me from my chains.

17 I will sacrifice a thank offering to you
and call on the name of the LORD.

18 I will fulfill my vows to the LORD
in the presence of all his people,

19 in the courts of the house of the LORD—
in your midst, O Jerusalem.
Praise the LORD.

This Psalm has come to have so much meaning in my life. When I saw at a book called A Musician’s Book of Psalms each day had a different psalm. “My” psalm  was listed as the reading for my birthday, so I had to buy this book!  For a while, it was the license plate on my car.

I used to carry a print out of this everywhere I go because I find it very soothing. “when I was in great need, he saved me.” This print out is in a plastic page saver but now I have this info on my phone and iPad.

On the other side there is an article I found after my kidney cancer.  You can read that article in Fridays post.

🦓 Day 23, Cushing’s Awareness Challenge 2022

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bestday

I wrote parts of this in 2008, so all the “yesterdays” and “last weeks” are a little off. 

Wow.  That’s about all I can say.  Yesterday was possibly the best day of my life since I started getting Cushing’s symptoms, and that was over 30 years ago.  More than a quarter of a century of feeling exhausted, fatigued.  A quarter of my life spent taking naps and sleeping.

Last week  in this post I wrote in part:

I went to the endo yesterday.  Nothing has changed for me.  Nothing will.  He wants me to take more cortef.  I don’t want to gain weight again.  He looked up Provigil and it’s not indicated for panhypopituitarism.  So he won’t prescribe it.  My kidney surgeon probably won’t let me take, anyway, but it was worth a try.

…

He did mention that in “only” 2.5 years maybe I can go back on growth hormone.  I don’t want to live like this another year let alone 2.5.  But then, when I was on GH before it didn’t help me like it helps most everyone else.

I’m tired of catering to a kidney that may or may not fail sometime anyway, tired of being so exhausted all the time.  I feel like I’ve lost nearly half my life to this Cushing’s stuff already.

So, yesterday I was supposed to go to a conference on web design for churches.  My church sent me because they want me to spiff up their site and make them a new one for Christmas.  I wanted to go because, well, I like learning new stuff about the web.  I figured that I would learn stuff that would also be useful to me in others of my sites.

And I did!

But the amazing thing is this.  My son had told me  about a medication that was very similar to Provigil, that he had tried it while he was writing his doctoral thesis and it had helped him.

So, having tried the official doctor route and being rebuffed – again – I had decided to try this stuff on my own.

Just the night before I had written a response on Robin’s wonderful blog that reads in part:

I hate this disease, too.

I was just talking to a friend today about how I’d try nearly anything – even if it ruined my one remaining kidney – to have a few days where I felt good, normal, where I could wake up in the morning rested and be able to have energy for the day.

I want to go out and have fun, to be able to drive for more than 45 minutes without needing to rest, to be have people over for dinner, whatever. I hate being restricted by my lack of energy.

My endo says to cheer up. In two and a half years I can try the growth hormone again. Whoopee. Didn’t work the first time and maybe gave me, or contributed to, cancer growth. Why would I want to look forward to trying that again?

I want to feel good now. Today.

I hate that this disease kills but I also hate that it’s robbed me of half my life already.

I wish doctors would understand that even though we’ve “survived”, there’s no quality of life there.

I hate Cushing’s. It robs so much from so many of us. 🙁

As I said earlier, I have a history of daily naps of at least 3 hours a day.  It cuts into everything and prevents me from doing many things.  I have to schedule my life around these naps and it’s awful.

rockford-2006-sue 12-18-2006 2-09-18 pmA few years ago I went on a Cushie trip to Rockford.  I’ve been there a few times and it’s always so much fun.  But this first year, we were going to another Cushie’s home for barbecue.  I didn’t drive, I rested in the back of the car during the drive.  We got there and I managed to stay awake for a little while.  Them I put my head down on the dining room table and fell asleep. Our hostess kindly suggested that I move over to the sofa.

So, I have a long history of daily naps, not getting through the day, yadda, yadda.

So, I was a little nervous about yesterday.  I really wanted to go to this conference, and was afraid I’d have to go nap in my car.

I got up at 5:30 am yesterday.  Before I left at 7:15, I took my Cortef and then I took my non-FDA approved simulated Provigil.  (Although it’s not FDA approved, it is not illegal to possess without a prescription and can be imported privately by citizens)

I stayed awake for the whole conference, went to a bell rehearsal, did Stacey’s interview, had dinner and went to bed about 10:30PM.  NO NAP!  I did close my eyes a little during the 4:00PM session but it was also b-o-r-i-n-g.

I stayed awake, I enjoyed myself, I learned stuff, I participated in conversations (completely unlike shy me!).

I felt like I think normal people feel.  I was amazed.  Half my life wasted and I finally (thank you Michael!) had a good day.

My kidney doctor and my endo would probably be appalled but it’s about time that I had some life again!  Maybe in another 25 years, I’ll take another pill.  LOL

Well, the energy from the Adrafinil was a one day thing.  I felt great on Thursday.   Friday and Saturday I slept more than usual.  Saturday, today, was one of those days where I sleep nearly all day.  Maybe if I took the drug more it would build up in my system, maybe not.  But it was still worth having that one day where I felt what I imagine normal to be.

While I was being a slug today, my husband painted the entire house.

I’m not sure if I would have been this tired today or if I was somehow making up for the nap I didn’t get on Thursday.  Whatever the case, I’m glad that I had the opportunity to try this and to experience the wonderful effects, if only for one day.

Information from a site that sells this:

Alertness Without Stimulation

Adrafinil is the prototype of a new class of smart drug – the eugeroics (ie, “good arousal”) designed to promote vigilance and alertness. Developed by the French pharmaceutical company Lafon Laboratories, adrafinil (brand name, Olmifon) has been approved in many European countries for treating narcolepsy, a condition characterized by excessive daytime sleepiness and other unusual symptoms.

Non-narcoleptic users generally find that adrafinil gives them increased energy and reduces fatigue, while improving cognitive function, mental focus, concentration, and memory. It has been reported that quiet people who take adrafinil become more talkative, reserved people become more open, and passive people become more active.

Of course, many stimulant drugs, ranging from caffeine to methamphetamine, are known to produce similar alerting/energizing effects. Adrafinil has been described by some users as a “kinder, gentler” stimulant, because it provides these benefits but usually with much less of the anxiety, agitation, insomnia, associated with conventional stimulants.

Adrafinil’s effects are more subtle than those of the stimulants you may be used to, building over a period of days to months. They appear to be based on its ability to selectively stimulate 1-adrenergic receptors in the brain.2 These receptors normally respond to norepinephrine (noradrenaline), a neurotransmitter linked to alertness, learning, and memory. This is in contrast to conventional stimulants, which stimulate a broader spectrum of brain receptors, including those involving dopamine. Its more focused activity profile may account for adrafinil’s relative lack of adverse side effects.

There’s more info about Adrafinil on Wikipedia

It’s interesting that that snipped report that people become more talkative.  I reported that in the original post, too, even though I didn’t realize that this was a possibility.

A good quote that I wish I could relate to better:

“Time is limited, so I better wake up every morning fresh and know that I have just one chance to live this particular day right, and to string my days together into a life of action and purpose.”

Lance Armstrong (1971 – )
Cyclist, seven-time Tour de France champion and cancer survivor

2011 stuff starts here:

Awhile ago I went to a handbell festival. I took a bit of adrafinil on the main day to try to stay awake for the whole day. It didn’t seem to keep me as on as it did before. I can’t be used to it already. Maybe I’m just that much more tired than I was before.

Our son lives in New York and every few years he gives us tickets to see a Broadway show.  A couple years ago we took the train to NY to see Wicked.  Usually my DH wants to go out and see sights while we’re there.  I usually want to nap.

This time we got up on Saturday morning, went out for breakfast.  I wanted to take in the whole day and enjoy Wicked so I took some Adrafinil.  We got back to the hotel and got ready to go to a museum or other point of interest.

But, DH wanted to rest a bit first.  Then our son closed his eyes for a bit…

So, I found myself the only one awake for the afternoon.  They both work up in time for the show…

Sigh  It was a great show, though.

A recent Christmas I was going to get my son some Adrafinil as a gift.  The original place we bought it didn’t have any more stock so I tracked it down as a surprise.  He was going to give me some, as well, but couldn’t get it from the original source, either.  So he found something very similar called Modafinil.  GMTA!

And 2016..

Saturday, 4/23/16 really was one of the best days I’ve had in a long time.

I’ll be writing a longer post about that later on my travel blog but here’s the original plan: https://maryoblog.com/2016/04/23/busy-saturday/

Suffice it to say, we arrived at the Tattoo and I got no nap at all, all day!

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🦓 Day 22, Cushing’s Awareness Challenge 2022

MaryO Cushing's Awareness Challenge, Cushing's Awareness Challenge 2022 , , , , , , , , , ,

This is a tough one.  Sometimes I’m in “why me” mode.  Why Cushing’s?  Why cancer?  Unfortunately, there’s not a thing I can do about either.  Cushing’s, who knows the risk factors?  For kidney cancer, I found out the risk factors and nearly none apply to me. So why? But why not?  No particular reason why I should be exempt from anything.

Since there’s nothing to be done with the exception of trying to do things that could harm my remaining kidney, I have to try to make the best of things.  This is my life.  It could be better but it could be way worse.

One of the Challenge topics was to write about “My Dream Day” so here’s mine…

I’d wake up on my own – no snooze alarms – at about 8 am, sun streaming through the window.  I’d we well rested and not have had any nightmares the night before.  I remember my son is home for a visit but I let him sleep in for a while.

I’d get out for a bike ride or a brisk walk, come home, head for the hot tub then shower.  I’d practice the piano (or recorder or Aerophone) for a bit, then go out to lunch with friends, taking Michael with me.  While we’re out, the maid will come in and clean the house.

After lunch, maybe a little technology shopping/buying.  Then the group of us go to one of our homes for piano duets, trios, 2-piano music.

When we get home, it’s immaculately clean and I find that the Prize Patrol has visited and left a substantial check.

I had wisely left something for dinner in the Ninja so dinner is ready.  After dinner, I check online and find no urgent email, no work that needs to be done, no bills that need to be paid, no blog challenge posts to write…

I wake up from My Dream Day and realize that this is so far from real life, so I re-read The Best Day of My Life and am happy that I’m not dealing with anything worse.